I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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