So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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