I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
