Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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