Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
