i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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