absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
