The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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