Will you blow on my dice?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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