I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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