Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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