She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
