well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
