I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
