I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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