I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize