the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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