no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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