Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
