my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The Olympian is in my bed
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