He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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