Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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