it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
