my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
