I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
