I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
