im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
