When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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