I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Little spoons don't ask big questions
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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