the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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