he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
