operation have a gay friend backfired
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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