i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
