Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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