Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
