Already got asked if we're dating
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
