Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
