so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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