he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
