my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
