u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
