Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
