8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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