Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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