I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My penis needs a shock collar
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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