I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
