C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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