Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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