why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
