Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
