She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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