people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
