I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize