It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
