the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
