just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
