well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
