I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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