the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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