my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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