UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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