sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
