You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize