laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
