it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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