What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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