2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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