how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
