My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
