oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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