My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
