I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
