Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
being pregnant is like rehab
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
