Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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